Growing up I was always good at school, not necessarily the best, but definitely good. I’ve never failed a test. I’ve never even truly worried that I’m going to fail. My only concern would be if I am going to just pass or pass very well. Trust me this is not a brag, far from it.
I need you to understand that when you’re in that position you become very comfortable in life, which happened to me.
Then the time came for me to get a job. I didn’t get my first interview. Which I was kind of offended by (yes, I had a sense of entitlement). I don’t fail things, right? Although I did fail my drivers test to which I cried like the world was ending. Little did I know that was really nooothing in this life thing.
Anyway, I feel like I ended up getting the job I needed to get. So now I don’t mind that the other bank didn’t want me, lol. God’s plan.
I haven’t forgotten about the title of the blog post.
I ended up joining a company of over 4000 employees. As part of an intake of 22 IT grads. That’s a pretty big number of graduates. The insecurities started to creep in. Things were different now. I realized that I couldn’t just count on just making it because here it’s not about getting the pass mark to get you through. It’s about constantly proving and outdoing yourself.
In corporate you can be AH-MAY-ZING and then you screw up ONCE ☝🏼! Guess what? Everyone will remember the screw up! And yes I’ve proper screwed up, enough to delay a project costing the company millions! It happens.
My biggest fear in corporate has always been whether or not I’m good enough, if I’m gonna screw this up. I’m a pretty confident girl but man oh man do I fear not being good enough and screwing up (I feel like I’ve said screw a lot, sorry). Even though I know for a fact that I’ve proved myself and deserve my seat and that the worst case scenario is really not the end of the world. I believe they call it imposter syndrome:
“a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.”
It’s very easy to doubt yourself and unfortunately this post is not about how not to because well I’m still figuring that out.
It is important though to always push yourself.
They say fake it till you make it.
Even though you think you’re not good enough, act like you are (even though you’re probably not acting and ACTUALLY ARE GOOD ENOUGH).
I’m still learning how to trust myself and lean into my power and I know I might never be at a point where I’m 100% confident in my power.
For now I’ll just be my own hype man and psych myself up into showing up and being awesome. And power through the screwups 🙂